The Stow Challenge: Send and you Shall Receive

The race to the white house is under way. I have a question, if the president of the United States lived in a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house
made 50,000 a year and had to buy his own health insurance and provide for his family in the same means that the managers at Apple Bees do
would we have the same candidates in the race that we do right now? It seems though the qualifications to run for president are 1. Gray or white hair, but not too
much grey....just a touch. 2. Make or have 7 figures in cash of Banks that do not offer debit cards to employees of wal-mart. 3. Have a mistress in at least 3 different states while maintaining family life for 10 years
without getting caught. 4. Wear suits that cost more then the average american makes in a month, but at the same time be able to understand their needs and connect on their level.
5. Smile and put on the act that you really give a shit about what the media asks of you, but deep down you want what all men want, a bullet proof limo and to play Call of Duty with real humans not
not on some video game. 6. You can cuss like a sailor, but no one will catch it and you could sell a beard trimmer to Amish farmer.





Duke Basketball, have to give it up to them. They still manage to find new ways to recruit players while not being caught for giving them cash. I think they genetically manufacture these kids in a lab and
their coach is actually a mad scientist from Russia. Some how they always find the only 4 white guys in the nation who can dunk with two hands and make 40% of of their threes. But there is one thing that continues
to boggle my mind the most...and not its not the amount of Armpit hair Christian Leightner has...its how the hell they get 'She-shev-ski' out of "Krzyzewski". If that was a spelling bee word for the national championship on ESPN,
all those kids with no social skills and glasses that could fry ants would be packing their bags and walking their silly asses home. By the way, my last name is Beekmann, pronounced "Mae-ass-it-iss"



No Child left behind. Hmmmmm.....does Google, Facebook, Apple and tech super powers join forces and start a program called "No CEO's left behind?". These weak minded bozo's that institute this kind of legislation are the same one's
who got picked last for kick ball and earned the 9th place purple ribbon in the wheel barrel race. Why the hell don't we have no System Admins left behind? Then all system admins get the same benefits, pay structure and retirement no matter they know the difference
between Windows AD and Years A.D. I am sure that most companies wont mind if their trusted IT employee to know the difference. I am all for kids getting equal opportunities to learn, but guess what, if you can't put the triangle block into the triangle hole
and your breath smells like Elmer glue, then sorry, but you are going to have to learn what you can and get a job at Gadzooks selling spikey collars and dog chains to the kids who wear black and think they are the crow. Competition is what makes a society further
itself, improve, grow and become greater. The strong survive and weak don't, that is nature. Tell me the next time you see video footage of Great White sharks catching seals and bringing them to another shark who has one short flipper and only 3 teeth. Get me that footage
and I will change my mind.


The Twilight movies. I personally am one for entertainment. I will watch any movie once. I have seen some bits and pieces of the twilight movies and I must say that if there were real vampires, the actors of those movies would have been found gutted and headless.
I am pretty sure Werewolves and Vampires, if they did exist, would not have moosed-up hair, be 6'2 130lbs or walk around shirtless wearing makeup and $200 jeans. Twilight is not for teens, this is a little unknown fact. Twilight is for women 40 to 60 who never dated
the Quarterback or Star athlete. Just like the real Brittney Spears fans were 30 year old males, bald and over weight. The women in their 40's to 60's are hoping that some tan, muscular kid with the intelligence level of a chipmunk will come into their work place
wearing jeans and no shirt, scoop them up, carry them off and go play "bump the uglies" in some waterfall. Sorry Ladies, to burst the fantasy bubble, but first off most of those guys would not rescue you from the office, they would rescue "a guy" from your office.
Secondly, most of the fantasizing women are probably a few pounds heavier then their adoring vampire and therefore they would have to carry him. Lastly, if you saw Robert Pattinson in real life the fantasy would be over and most would say, hey "Who is the douche that looks like a poor man's version of Luke Perry?"
So I am not against the Twilight series, everyone needs some entertainment in some fashion. But I wish they would show the real fans at the red carpet and reading the books. The real fan is Sally, 42 from Indiana, works as a receptionist, and takes a carrot into the bath tub with her
when she tells her husband she is going to relax and read her book. PS> The carrot is not used as a bookmark.



Housewife = a person who maintains the home, manages the occupants of the home, can clean, cook, sew and provide care for her spouse and kin. Apparently each city has different definitions then what was previously thought to be the description of the term. Lets have a look.
Atlanta Housewife = Aggressive, uses head movements and finger gestures to intimidate the male species. Kin are typically named with at least 8 characters and many vowels. Instead of a Framed diploma on their office wall, they proudly display their divorce decree's and total amount
gained. They like cars, but cannot pronounce the names of manufacturers. Typically their attire consists of bright colored materials that accent the "keg of beer" they are hiding in their rears and enough jewelry to make Ali Baba "Pitch a tent in his pants"
Oranage County Housewife = Named
after the ooompa-loompa glow their skin puts off, these ladies are kissed by the sun and all of their husbands friends. They are emotional and loving, and are not shy to use their enhanced features to get what they are after. Hair like burnt straw, Lips like a grouper, and a chest that looks like an
allergic reaction to a bee sting are what it takes to get noticed in the valley of the sun. They do run into stressful problems later in life when they have to confess to their kids that dad was not a lawyer, but owned a lawn service.
Housewives of Beverly Hills = A pretty boring group. They are usually bitching,
shopping and looking for cowboys on "Rodeo Drive". They have been down on everything but the Titanic and are not particular about having their "Carpet Cleaned" by men or women.


There is a new show that just got signed on to start this spring and its contract will run for the next 40 years. Its Called "Shit from the ___" It will start with "Shit from the 50's". And each season will increment a year. The premise is that a team of 5 people who previously worked at Blockbuster, the Arcade, Sears, Dunkin Donuts and
Home Depot, will travel the country in search of old shit from the 50's. Considering the items they hunt are from 60 years ago, they will map a plan to cover the more southern states and those counties/cities that still have malt shoppes and get water using a wooden bucket. The problem
is not these shows and people on them, the problem are the people sitting at home spending an hour of their time to watch people go look for other people's old shit. To put it bluntly that is what they are doing. They find some barn that some old hick hasn't cleaned out in 60 years, dig around in there and hoot and holler about a damn trike
that is missing a pedal and has 3 flat tires. Then they give the hick 200 bucks for it, he buys his wife new wooden teeth and everyone is happy. 50 years from now there is going to be a show that does the same thing, but they wont need to go to peoples homes in the remote south, they will just have to drive over to Kmart's warehouse and cut the padlock.
There is guaranteed to be some old shit in there.

Evolution of Material Things

Phone to iphone = The Rotary Dial phone connected one person located in one physical location to another person located in a different physical location. The iphone does essentially does the same thing, only now you can be EXPECTED to be available 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year by anyone who knows the sweet digits to that all glass bundle of joy. Yes it has games, weather and apps that can do everything. But back the old days you got the weather from the front porch, played games using balls and got a good rotators cuff workout from dialing aunt susan.