Using lava from a Volcano to heat homes in Hawaii... is like drilling for oil in the ocean...may not work out to well

The latest breaking news….BP hopes a gigantic tube will help siphon the oil off of Gulf waters ….funny… Barry bonds told his girlfriend to siphon the HGH out of his blood stream via his “tube”...didn’t work for him either….both are about as realistic. Why are all of these people supposed to be so damn smart…yet when it comes to disaster recovery time they couldn’t save Shaquille O’neal drowning in 3 feet of water? I am sure there are pods of dolphins following the BP crews laughing and saying “Can you believe these dips shits??” Why do smart people get dumb when they are under pressure? I would love to be in the board meetings when these companies first come up with Ideas…..
”Ok…we are going to build and construct a giant rig that will pump oil from thousands of feet below the ocean…. …brilliant idea..…think of all the money we will make! But wait, what happens if the pipe breaks? What if all of our Oil started going into the Ocean…no biggie..oil floats..we can use dip nets to get it and if that doesn’t work.....Remember that giant bobber we called the top hat? We will float that around on the service of the water to appease the public and show them we are doing something, giving us enough time to clean out our bank accounts, form new identities and book first class tickets to Delaware…Wait a minute …Delaware??? Why not Mexico? Or another country….Because dipshit…they patrol the boarders going to Mexico and the international airports…you ever hear someone patrolling or looking for a person of interest in Delaware?.....Didn’t think so”
I believe if we continue at this pace, American’s (Not Humans in General, Just Americans) will fall below Dolphins and Chimps on the hierarchy of intelligent species. You have to admit we do pay nurses, cops and fire fighters about 40 to 50K a year, whom are here to save, care for and protect us…yet we pay Justin Bieber 40K an hour to sport a shitty hair cut and sing songs about going on a walk with your daughter. Anything wrong with this picture? I don’t know about you but I would rather put my money towards A-Rods car payment by buying his jersey and season tickets then pay a fire fighter to put out my flaming house, rescue my kids and save my dog….pretty much a no brainer to me. Has anyone ever calculated out what some of these people get paid? Take Lady Gaga, is she a good performer…yes…a good artist…yes….does she dress like boy George auditioning for a part as an Elf in Lord of the Rings…yes….does she deserve to make $416,666.00 a week? What does she do…she rents costumes from a Halloween boutique on a daily basis, sings songs that use the terms, “Telephone, Ga-Ga, Ooohh LaLa and Roma Roma” Maybe if teachers dressed up in Sequin Jumpsuits…entered the class room with fireworks, low lighting and fog machines and then sang the daily lesson to you using Auto Tune and T pain on the chorus…they may make more per hour??
Did you know Barack Obama took a paycut to become president? He made more selling books about political bullshit and personal opinion selling at Barnes and Noble than he does running the country. How about a news caster…let’s take Matt Lauer…he sits in front of a camera on a chair or couch…reads words off a screen while wearing a suit and tie and enough make up and hair plugs to be in Cirque du Soleil… he drinks coffee and makes millions? Does he really do something that is difficult??? Come on, he reads words off a screen…he is paid for having a decent “listening voice” and can ask “Hard Questions”…even though most dipshits he is questioning are in some kind of trouble or conflict in the public’s eye..so it’s not like he’s trying to solve a 32 color rubix cube here..and as for Al Roker…he gets paid millions of dollars to laugh and tell the umemployed and elderly (They are the only ones home at 9:00 AM) how warm it will be today. Yes, I know the media drives the world… I get it..I do not write these comments out of jealousy, I have no desire to live in New York or a in a city where it takes me 2 hours to go get Gas and you need to pay 1600 a month to rent a studio apartment that’s the size of my closet with a shitter, sink and place to hang your keys.
It’s just funny where the priorities in our Society have gone. We would rather pay Kevin Garnett enough money to buy Montana then give a teacher…who teaches your kid to read, do math and properly use the bathroom…enough money to barely buy a used Chevy Impala and a house with more than 3 bedrooms. I know when I have kids I’m going to buy a nice video camera, sit their ass on the couch and make them read Dr. Seuss with passion and fortitude until their eyes bleed…all so they can be prepared to land the anchor job and buy me a Rolls and a cabin at Lake Tahoe. Screw the school system, if you want to get ahead in the country either learn to hit a round ball made of dried cow skin with a long round log, shoot a ball into a metal ring or lift weights, go tanning and possess the brain capacity of a ferret while living on the “Jersey Shore”….otherwise prepare yourself for fine dining at Burger King, a car never newer than 4 years old and retirement in your 80’s. Wake up.

If our society was depicted by a Celebrity...we would be a Gay, Vegetarian Vern Troyer.

Is it just me or did our society turn into a bunch of whiney, lying, cheating pansies? I would like to know what the public’s reaction would have been if Tiger would have come out to his press conference and said this
“Hello, I am here to address all the questions and concerns because I know the American people want to know. Well, I cheated; I had sex with 9 women because I was horny, on the road and because I can. I don’t need rehab or any help just because I am a man who doesn’t go to the adult emporium, I live the adult emporium. The porn industry makes 9 billion dollars a year, I didn’t give them that much, so apparently everyone staring back me enjoys the industry just as much as I do, I just don’t have to watch it on a TV or buy an inflatable doll when I want to enjoy it. Anyone that has an issue with that can blog about it on some guys website and waste their time bitching when none of it will really matter. Now get off my property….see you at Augusta….go Panthers!
Would people’s jaws drop? Hell yes they would but not because of what he said, simply because Tiger is a true UNI fan! And that it would be the first time a celebrity with money and power, telling the truth, not reading off a prompter. The entire nation knows he is lying, so does he, so does his wife, so does his agent, so why do we even expect him to say anything at all. Even though we all know the truth, it will never come out like that that because his paycheck from nike has 7 zeros on the end of it and honesty to 30 million people he has never met is not worth 15 cars, 5 houses and access to Ron Jeremy’s black book. So we as a society continue to go on and listen, we will all forget and lucky for Tiger it will all go away and do you really think he cares, No, maybe he does about getting his wife back, but if I were her I would just go sleep with 9 other people (probably athletes and celebs) video tape them all and wrap the tape up for his next Christmas gift….ending the show with “Thanks for a great year hun……Suck it tiger”
And as for our society as a whole, when did we become so sentimental and weak when it comes to people, feelings and rights? Why is one of the biggest fears of our troops in Afghanistan the threat of facing the American media if they kill some bearded farmers who have ties to Camel jockeys who threaten our country daily? Our SEAL teams are more afraid of Katie Couric and Anderson Cooper than they are of a flock of sheep herders with automatic weapons and bad teeth? They are more concerned about rules of engagement and facing prison should they treat a terrorist poorly then they are about protecting themselves or our country. Do we expect them to invite the Al Quaeda over for a grill out and pool party at Embassy and hope that a little pool volleyball and smores will relieve the hatred for a country that has HDTV and meat besides goats? Why do we spend billions of dollars trying to house, feed and care for rapists and murders who hack boys in half and have sex with their dead bodies? Yes everyone has rights, but didn’t the boy who had his head cut off and his body decay in some 40 year old mans basement have rights? You know how threatening that man is after he stands in front of a brick wall and has a firing squad write “You suck” in his chest with automatic weapons? How threatening is a rapist if you give them the Loraina Bobit treatment and turn them into a human Ken Doll? Tough to rape a woman when you have a bald hump for a giggle stick isn’t it? How threatening is a murderer if you lop off both hands and feet? They sure can’t hold a knife or gun unless they have teeth like Mr. Ed and one hell of a strong neck!! And what happened to survival of the fittest?
If someone doesn’t serve a positive purpose in society, why are they here? Because we pay for them to have something to eat, a place to sleep and even offer an education…and all we request is that they wear orange pajamas and sleep in a large cage? What happens to the weak, not as fit, not as intelligent animals in the animal kingdom? What happens to a Seal who is a nut job, doesn’t work with the population or goes against what the rest of them do…he gets a lobotomy by a Great white shark as all the rest of them watch. At least he won’t reproduce more “brilliant” seals because his bloodline is currently coming out the exhaust pipe of the white shark. I guess until lions can learn to shoot guns and chimps can drive tanks we are stuck with the continued breeding of idiots, rapists and guys who wear lipstick, dresses, dissect road kill and think that boy scouts are cute. For now, I will settle on everyone just opening one eye…not even waking all the way up.

I thought she was pregnant...turns out she just ate the whole turkey and has gas.

Roughly 50% of the nation is considered obese or suffering from “Phatassitis”, these are constantly the numbers we hear from “professional” (Janitorial staff working at office buildings and shopping malls) people across the nation. The kids are fat, the adults are fat, even Steven Siegal is fat…my god…I am sorry but if a 12th degree black belt gets fat and starts playing the guitar…screw global warming…we are going to die because no one will be able to physically rip the throats out of team Jacob followers!! So what is the cause? Is it those darn genetics again…that bastard Darwin was right…evolution is changing Human Beings all right…but into land based Orcas. News flash…when the Country Fair fried food of the year is Fried butter and fried candy bars…its doesn’t take Steven Hawking to calculate why people look like the Michelin Man. Seriously…can we just fast forward a couple years to the point where the new fad is to drink the fat that is coming out of a patient getting lipo suction? We are to the point now where you may visit the Omaha Zoo and next to the Gorilla Enclosure is the Johnson Family from Georgia…watch in astonishment as zoo keepers feed them their body weight in baked beans. I am at loss of what we can do to make ourselves more gross and disgusting. “It has been confirmed that obesity is indeed genetic and studies have shown people are more likely to be overweight if they have this chromosome count…blah blah blah”….yea…and Octomom just got a scholarship to Harvard. What the heck is wrong with our country? Are we a couple years away from M.J.B.N. syndrome becoming a genetic disorder (Michael Jackson Bird Nose)? We have shrinks, psychologists, Doctors, therapists and Maury Povich all coming up with new syndromes, disorders and other crap everyday…there is a syndrome for having the desire to have sex with sheep…cant it just be the fact that the bastard is missing part of his brain and something about hooves makes him hot? Money drives it all…am I right? We have these people who talk to other people because no would want to listen unless they get paid 100 bucks an hour to listen to why you knocked up 8 teenagers in your neighborhood and now your wife left you for the paperboy…does that person who is getting the help ever stop and think…hmmm…I wonder if my male therapist goes home..puts on high heels and lipstick and dances around to Starship all night? News flash..we are all human..we all do weird crap…we all have issues…we all pooop and yes.. it all stinks like shit. So back to fat and genetics….was it an issue 50 years ago…NO…did we have fried candy bars 50 years ago..NO…did we have the 2 lbs thick burger at hardees 50 years ago…NO. …Fat people are not fat because of genetics…fat people are fat because they eat more calories than an African elephant with a tape worm…Im tired of “medical” people making excuses for why we as a nation look like a heard of super Rosie O’donnels…you want to see your toes and buy one seat on a airplane…put less food in the trough and move faster than a sun dial…wake up..shut up.