I want Polish and Wax with Pine Tree Scent....noooooo...PINE TREE!!!!! Geeze...never mind!

What’s wrong with this picture, lets say you invite 30 people to your house for a party and in order to make everyone feel at home, you learn all the languages each member speaks so when they ask for a beer in their native language you don’t stand there awkwardly trying to figure out if they are quoting a pokemon episode or want more crackers…then they bitch at you because you gave them a Heineken and they don’t drink anything but “Budee Lit” (Boood—LIT: as heard by you, which translates to Bud Light), and they proceed to call you names behind your back…. their friends, who were not invited, show up and decide to stay and actually setup cots in your yard, call all of their family to come join them and all get jobs answering phones using the name “Luke Jorgensen”. They then force you to give them cold medicine when they are sick, use your car to drive to the hospital with no license and it comes back with no hub caps and is lower to the ground with a bunch of rust on the trim and drug paraphernalia in the seat. Since when is it the host of the parties duty to spend 4 months with Rosetta Stone on 6 languages only to be made fun of when they bow and greet the Wang family with “Como Esta”, use their hard earn money to pay for cold meds for some bozo who eats crickets and wears a Shriner Hat and then put these people up for free in your yard when they were not invited in the first place? Sound familiar? Welcome to the US. Why do we have to put subtitles everywhere? To make guests feel welcome, doesn’t the word “Guest” imply that they will at some point return their “home”? How much does it cost to put “Department of Transportation” in 7 languages? How about when we hand out Greencards (or are they Greeting Cards?? I am not sure) or as we are tying up their rafts made of Aunt LiLi’s bones, some boards and rope, we give them all a copy of the English Rosetta Stone and a netbook, we could even throw in the bonus disc “Ebonics: Using it and abusing it…Sucka Version”. That software can’t cost more than a couple bucks to manufacture and I am pretty sure that is cheaper than putting the word Gorilla in Spanish, Chinese, Vietnamese and Ooompa Loompa on the sign at the Zoo in Omaha. I am all for having variety, I love PF Changs, Olive Garden, Carlos OKelly’s and Hu Hot, so don’t play that card on me. And why when we go to other countries do we walk around holding a paper back book filled with terms in their language? As we are holding our crotch, gritting our teeth and feverishly looking up the word for “bathroom”, they are giggling, pointing at the seepage in our pants and stealing our wallet. So I say it’s about time that we can get our car washed, our yard worked on, get authentic margaritas or have our offices cleaned without having to use pictures and mouth the words slowly, only to get a bill and fortune cookie. Bottom line, if you want to come to the US to play the lottery and work at Walmart, you better learn the language. You have plenty of down time on those cold nights in the shrubs in the Arizona desert to begin learning the basics of the language. I know you will make the argument that only 15% of the US are citizens and speak English…I don’t care…we were here first and if you don’t learn the language, you will never truly appreciate what Toby Keith says in any of his songs. Wake up people