Transformers, Turtles, Sluts and Whorrors..Oh my!!

Ahhh…yes….It’s October..the month of blood and guts, horror and ghosts, beasts and porn stars!! Following a trip to my local costume shop to pick out this years gear…I couldn’t help but wonder….when did Hustler and Vivid Video become the official sponsors of the “scary” holiday? I guess I didn’t realize that a girl dressed like a firefighter with only over alls and red boots on was frightening? Not that this is a bad thing...but I guess it is just a thought provoker when you walk into a costume shop and next to the kid’s Ninja Turtles and Transformers costumes are a Dirty Cop outfit that comes with Nipple stickers, sunglasses and a hat…all for 39.99. At first I thought I blacked out and was in the adult Emporium that had a section for pedophiles…but the Alf and Barrack Obama masks reassured me I was not. So let me just get this strait Raphael is at the front door getting a snickers…while mom slips into the back and gives a sucker?? Will it be typical to over hear a kid dressed like Spiderman “Screaming for help because he just saw his mom, who is dressed like a school teacher, get “robbed from behind” in the bushes for her “candy by a large Buzz Light year screaming to infinity and beyond?”…Hmmm…interesting. I guess someone could do a study and determine that the likely hood of a man answering the door for trick-or-treaters is up 250% over the past 3 years. And it’s not just the women having all the fun, the men have their own costumes that include plastic “buddies” for the Department of Erection facility, a man with long hair humping a sheep..which makes me think…apparently only sheep go for guys with mullets? The more I think about this..the more interesting Halloween has become!! Again, no issue here…Halloween is all in good fun…but I think we should just accept the movement and go forward with it. I am waiting for the giant plastic boob candy bucket that will replace the pumpkin and glow sticks that are in the shape of a…..second thought…never mind. I guess someday when I become a parent, I wont have to check for unwrapped candy, just whether or not what flavor of KY they got and whether most people hand out Trojans or Durex. So to the people who thought they were cool being Freddy, Jason or Michael Jackson….sorry…but unless your costume comes with a plastic rod or push up bra…you won’t be receiving an invite to the party and you will actually get candy on Halloween. And if your single and on the prowl, Halloween is your time to shine! If you’re a girl, make sure your costume comes with the day after pill and alcohol wipes and if your man, make the register clerk check your costume for your free date rape pill, brown paper bag (in cause the girl takes her mask off, you have a backup) and Tylenol PM (to give your date in the morning so you can sneak off). Wake up people.